I grew up in an age where we were told to never ask a girl on a date over text. The most part of girls that I knew would agree and testify that it is not "cool" or acceptable to ask a girl out over a text. I firmly agree. I hate to say that I have done it once in my years of dating. This is a rule that comes from common courtesy and chivalry. Some of us old fashion type people like the idea of opening the door for a woman or giving a woman the man's coat when the weather turns bad. It is something that should not be lost. For if it is lost then we have forgotten how our parents taught us to respect one another.
Now, this goes both ways. The woman is expected to wait as the man opens the door; she is expected to accept the coat of the man; and she is expected to not ask a man on a date over text. In brief, I believe that men and women should agree to live by these simple rules or even guidelines of common courtesy and chivalry.
I recently spoke with someone who explained that he had heard stories of people proposing over text. As if asking someone on a date through the air waves wasn't bad enough, it has escalated to the point where marriage is proposed over these same air waves. There is something wrong in our society.
So this is my idea, let me prove why this is a bad idea. Let's take the example of breaking up over text. Since I have returned from my mission I have found myself in that strange swimming pool of dating. Some people seem to tread the water quite easily and make it the marriage pool rather effortlessly. And some have a really hard time swimming in this pool. I find myself in the latter having never had a real relationship. But not looking at my inexperience to dating I have learned certain things about it.
One of them is the difficulty and complication of breaking up or as others would call it, "being friend zoned." There are many reasons to break up with someone but they all boil down to the simple idea that a future with this person will not be a good thing for both parties. This act of breaking up is very delicate. It must be handled with extreme care as to not crush and shatter the break-up-e or the one who is receiving the decided end to the relationship. And as such, it becomes impossible to treat this matter in the simple form of a text. This is like a doctor attempting surgery over Skype. "Nurse, hand me a scalpel." "Doctor, I can't. You aren't even here." Let me explain.
I asked some of my friends to send me some break-up texts and this is what I received.
Dear Brandon. I hate your stinkin guts. You make me vomit. You're like scum between my toes. No Love, court
Hey brandon I hope you are doing well. You know what I've been thinking a lot about us, & I just feel like you would want me to be honest with you. When I think about us going long term, I don't feel right about it. I mean you are wonderful and I love being around you, but I don't think we are the most compatible for each other. I don't want to lead you on with feelings that I don't have. I'm sorry, but I think we should just be friends.
Hey, Brandon. You are such a great guy, but I don't think that this is going to work out. I hope that life works out great for you without me in it. Goodbye.
Oh Brandon please don't ask me that again. I'm just not interested in dating anybody right now. You're a great guy and I love being friends...but I'm not ready to date. Please try to understand. I don't want to hurt you. You mean a lot to me and always will.
Hey Brandon, I just wanted to thank you for all the fun things we have done together. You're like a brother to me. But I have decided that I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship . It doesn t have anything to do with you, but please understand I really admire you. see you around!
Hey, so I know this is kinda hard, so I thought maybe it would be better to tell you after our date. But I'm feeling like I need to move forward with other people. I hope you understand. Good luck with life. I hope you the best!
Hey I've had a lot of fun hanging out with you but I don't see this going anywhere romantically. I think we need to not go an any more dates. But I'd love to stay friends.
Dearest Brandon,
The time is come for me to go north and for you to go south. Actually the other way around, because I'm at BYU and you're at USU. I'm the kind of girl who just doesn't like long distance relationships. Also, I think French is terrible. But you're a good person. Just not good enough for me.
No love,
Natalia
Hey Brandon, I know we had a date set up for this weekend but I just want to be clear that I don't like you in that way.....sorry.....we don't have to go out if you don't want. I just wanted to let you know.....
You are a fantastic person and I'm so glad I got to spend time with you but I think it would be best if we see other people. You have helped me see so many qualities that I want in my future spouse and I hope in return I have showed you the same. That's what so cool about dating that we get to learn from all these different people and eventually find that one person that completes us. I hope that one day you will find that person that completes you.
ok listen Brandon, That was the worst date I've ever been on. I'm just really upset you seemed like such a great guy, and then when I met you all my expectations were really let down. you were so disrespectful and so rude. I think it's best you never talk to me again and I'll do the same thanks bye
Brandon,
This has been a long time in coming, but I think it's time I tell you how I truly feel. We've been through a lot together. I mean these past two weeks have been like no other. But I'm going to have to break up with you. Don't worry- it's not you. It's me. I think I've found the one, and I'm sorry it can't be you. I guess what I'm trying to say is goodbye.
I must say that they did a great job. A lot of these could be used in various parts of the dating timeline. But, let me show you why these don't work. Let's take the second one down. It is one of the longest. If one reads it out loud it should only take about 25 seconds and that would be quick. That is enough time to cook an egg in the microwave. But is it enough time to have a decent conversation with another human being? Is it enough time to sever emotional ties that have been built with time and care? Actually yes, it is. But it depends on one's tactic and taste. If one has a taste for quick break-ups one could compare them to dynamite in building demolition. It only takes dynamite 15 seconds to destroy what had taken years to build.
If one has a taste for much gentler break-ups we could compare them to a parachute in skydiving. I was going to add a video but they are much too long to put into a blog post. So I settled for base jumping.
These two tactics for getting something or someone to the ground are extremely different. The first is quite sudden and violent. The latter is much slower and gentler. But they both have the same effect.
Both the building and the people make it to the ground. They make it to their final destination. Ground zero. As is the same for a break-up. To stop construction on feelings and dreams with a person and to ultimately have those things done away with. Thus bringing both parties to ground zero to start looking for a new place to build or begin hiking. The question is which do you prefer?
I have a taste for gentle break-ups (never done it, but still). Where I can talk to the person and we can explain what we think and feel. That is why you can call me old fashioned. Because I do not believe in breaking up over a text. Because I believe in holding a door open, when appropriate, for a woman. I believe that chivalry and common courtesy should not die. I will not hold a person's taste against them. But I will state what I believe. And because it is what I believe I intend to live it.
Thank you all for reading,
Brando
p.s. A big thanks to those who sent these break-up texts!
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